YAY.

Today: Write 4k words plus attend useful panels at SMOFcon plus spend 2.5 hours on transit to get home. Maybe sleep sometime.

Tomorrow: Write like a maniac to finish the novel. Estimated 5k-8k. Drink champagne. Cackle wildly.

Tuesday: Lock door. See no one. Sleep all day and drool on pillow.

Wednesday: Clean ALL the things!

Thursday through sometime in 2024: Attack the 234,487 tasks I didn’t do in November.

Birds, barrels, lightning, pinatas, hands, sunlight, trees, water, mothers, divine power, determination, body modification, betrayal by one’s own body, painting, aliens, wrongful imprisonment, tentacles, pushing limits, germs, sex, violence, death, love.

Wondering what you think of this post about four different styles of activism.

I really like it. It covers the problem I’d been trying to express for a while. I see activists who say, “My way is the only way,” and arguing the merits of being a Nuker vs an Appeaser, or Logic Bomber vs Emoter. I’m delighted to see an argument for _all_ of these styles being useful in different places and times.

Short summary:

Nuker=Satire, rants, biting wit, clever trolling, griefer trolling, bluntness, calling out
Appeaser=Negotiation, peacemaking, calming, soothing hurt feelings, passive resistance, leading by peaceful example
Logic Bomber=Debate, fallacy calls, logical dissection of arguments, rationalist application of factual knowledge, scientific knowledge dropping, information overload
Emoter=Emotional arguments/manipulation, appeals to empathy, personal narrative, analogies to the pain of others, emotional overload, sympathy accumulation.

It will probably not surprise you to know that I’m definitely an Appeaser and an Emoter (more the former than the latter). I have _huge_ respect for the people who are Nukers, because that takes serious courage and strength. I’m also amazed by the Logic Bombers who build airtight arguments with irrefutable facts, which I think is very effective on some people.

Of course I can (and do) use the other styles, but my activism matches my personality. I’m best at one-on-one personal conversations. I’m good at listening to people and helping change minds in small groups. I’m okay with people asking me “stupid” questions about race, gender, and so on–as long as they show evidence of listening and learning. Usually I can figure out whether they’re actually asking me a question, or just trying to make a point.

Advantages to my style: a) some people are more receptive to gentle challenging of their ideas than in-your-face argument–which, as I said earlier, is also a valid method of doing this, b) it’s good for fixing misunderstandings, and c) I feel that it leads to longer-lasting and more permanent change when people use diplomacy rather than aggression.

As stated in the article, the big drawbacks to this style is that: a) you waste a lot of time on people who aren’t listening, b) it’s easy to ignore gentle activists, and c) it’s easy for the activist to slide into complacency and selling out. To solve the first, I just use my intuition. Hard to say how often I’m right, but I know for a fact I’ve changed people’s opinions on things like RaceFail and sexual harassment at cons. These changes mostly happened in one-on-one or small-group conversation. Could I have done more if I’d wanted? Probably. But I’m happy about what I do, and how I do it. It suits my strengths.

I’d like to pay special attention to the tone argument here. It goes like this: “Why can’t you [insert group here] people be nicer? More people would listen to you.” Well, in some cases, gentle and kind words _are_ more effective, which is where people like me come in. But in many, many cases–it doesn’t matter if people are nice or not, because the other person isn’t really listening anyway.

Furthermore, it is inherently privileged to insist that the marginalized person must be nice when explaining how you’ve hurt them. Why should they, when you don’t have to be nice to them? Not to mention the fact that while this issue might be new to you, they’ve probably had to explain it 100 times and they’re tired of it. Anyone with a food allergy understands this; you’re probably sick to death of telling curious people “what happens when I eat this food.”

So when someone takes the time to explain something to you, like racism, sexism, homophobia, or whatever–they are doing you a favor. They are going above and beyond the call of duty. If you genuinely want to know things, and you find someone who’s okay with teaching it–please thank them when you’re done. This is a lot more work for them than it may seem like to you.

Lastly, back to the four types of activism–this article was a good reminder for me. It’s easy to get complacent when I’m practicing diplomacy and nonviolence. I will strive to hold onto my principles even when the going gets rough. Once again, I will say that I’m grateful to those who get in people’s faces and won’t back down. I hope you’re able to value my work too.

[edited to fix a typo]

I promised to have my novel done by the 6th, which is seven days from now. I’m going to SMOFcon this weekend from the 3rd to the 5th. I currently have about 56k words on the manuscript. I estimate the novel needs 75k-80k.

What do you guys think? Will I make it? Amuse me with your clever responses!

Look, if you come to FOGcon, this is the chicken your chicken could be! (Thanks to Corie Ralston, our awesome publicity chair!)

1) Registration rates go up on Monday. If you’re coming to FOGcon, now’s a great time to register! (I know it says Nov 2 is when registration goes up, but we extended it to Nov 15. It won’t be extended again.)

2) Please send us programming ideas! Whether you’re coming or not–we want to know what panels you’d like. Submit ideas here. The submission form also closes on Monday.

FOGcon is happening from March 11-13 in San Francisco. Concom meeting today, hooray! Looking forward to seeing many of you in March.

This post by Jim Hines about sexual harassment at cons has gotten a lot of comments.

Yes, people, stuff like this still happens. And while I’ve had no trouble at cons personally, I’ve been sexually harassed on the job twice. I thought I’d post my stories in case they help someone.

*

I was 15 and working my first job–which was grocery store inventory. We traveled to small-town stores and counted everything on their shelves. Kinda fun actually. So a lot of the employees were teenagers; the adults got the “serious” work like meats and cigarettes, while we ended up in long rows of cereal boxes and Kool-Aid packets. As you might guess, a pack of teens will make the job fun. So we cracked endless jokes about cheez balls, and whether neutering hurt the cheez, and so on.

I was paired with two guys one day. Like teen guys tend to do, they were egging each other on, getting wilder. They started making sexual comments about the grocery food, which actually I didn’t mind. I just kept working and ignored them. Then one guy started talking to me: “Hey. You’re so quiet. Talk to us.” I kept mostly ignoring him and doing my job. By now we were in the aisle with the cleaning products. He grabbed a broom and stuck it between his legs like an erection. “Hey. Do you like it like this?” Pelvic thrusts, grunts, moans, etc. He kept trying to get me to respond, and I wouldn’t. I was terrified. I was sure that it was my fault because I’d participated in the cheez ball jokes. I thought, “I must have been flirting with him, which is why he’s doing this.”

At break, I approached a friend. I started crying (remember I’m 15 here). I told her what happened and she urged me to tell our boss. She said it wasn’t right and the boss needed to know. I decided to trust her because she’d been at this job a lot longer and she knew the boss.

So I went to the boss (still crying) and told him the story, out in the parking lot. He put an arm around my shoulders (in a very fatherly way, and it felt 100% okay) and said, “Thank you for telling me. This is NOT your fault. That is completely inappropriate behavior. I’ll handle this and make sure he never bothers you again.”

And he did. I heard he reamed the guy out. The boss paired him with adults after that, and the guy quit the next week.

It was that boss’s strong, confident, 100% support of me that gave me courage in the next incident.

*

I was 19. I was working as a nude model for the college art department. I enjoyed the work, and it was neat to see sketches and paintings of myself. Almost all the students were totally professional and never mentioned anything outside of class. Occasionally, one would thank me for modeling, but that’s about it.

One day, I was in a dorm room with about 15 friends having a small party. I was sitting on the bed at the far end of the room, and everyone was squished in along the walls and on the bed and wherever.

A guy from the art class popped his head in the door and said hi to me, across the room. And then he asked, “So I gotta know. What do you models do when you have your period? I mean, you don’t want a string hanging out.” I blushed, but decided to handle it with grace and maturity. I explained that there were different options, but personally I just tucked the string away and it was fine.

He went away and I turned back to my friends. 30 seconds later, he ran by yelling “YAAAH!” and flung a handful of tampons at me, all the way across the room. I was dumbfounded. I didn’t even have a response. I just sat there, wanting to sink into the ground and disappear.

Note that part, for all of you people who think women should just speak up and say something. Anyone who’s met me–you know I’m rarely at a loss for words. Sexual harassment catches you off guard. I felt like a deer in headlights. I _couldn’t_ say anything on the spot. No way. Mostly I couldn’t believe what was happening. And my brain tried to make excuses: it was my fault for nude modeling, what did I expect, I must have provoked him…

These thoughts are insidious and persistent. They come from the culture around us, which trains women to think that harassment is probably something they brought on themselves.

Luckily my friends were great. They were just as stunned as I was. Then one friend (a guy) spoke up first and said, “What an asshole.” Everyone immediately agreed, and a few gave me hugs or support of some sort. I changed the topic quickly because I was still feeling stressed about it. The incident ruined my night.

The next day, I tried to figure out what to do. I remembered the first incident, and I was much less bothered by this one–possibly because I was older and had my friends as witnesses. I decided if I told the art professor, he might kick the guy out of class or fail him, and I really didn’t want it to go that far.

I decided to handle it myself. I planned out what I was going to say. I approached the guy and told him how I felt. I talked about how he’d embarrassed me about my body and my job, and it was a really horrible feeling. He was very contrite, offering multiple sincere apologies and saying, “I was really drunk, I’m so sorry, I was such a jerk.” I believed him. And I was glad I hadn’t told the professor, because I think he got the point without that.

After the semester ended and grades were out, I sent the professor a note saying that maybe the art department should tell all the students how to treat the models. He pressed to find out why I was asking, so I told him. He was furious that I hadn’t told him when it happened, but I still think I made the right choice (in that case) and assured the prof that I handled it fine. The prof believed me, was angry on my behalf, and promised to make sure all future students got a lecture on treating the models with respect.

*

The takeaways, if that was too much to read:

1) It is REALLY hard to react fast and speak up on the spot. I’d say it’s nearly impossible.
2) A supportive authority figure and positive prior experiences do wonders for giving a person confidence to speak up.
3) These were both peer harassment. I have never dealt with boss harassment, but oh my god, that would be 100 times more awful to me. I keep thinking of my friend who filed suit against her employer, and they retaliated–and got away with it. She had to leave the job.

And to bring this back to Jim’s post… In the world of writing, there’s no protection or recourse. At least nothing easy or obvious. For me, I could approach a local authority figure who knew us both and would believe me. How do you handle a situation where an editor with potential power over your career harasses you? Where if you speak up, you worry what kind of rumors and reputation will follow you? It’s so hard, people. Really. Before you say, “Just speak up and deal with it,” try to get in that person’s shoes.

It was hard enough to speak up to people I knew and trusted.

I’m open to questions and talking.

World Fantasy was fun. I don’t usually do con reports, but I saw about fifty bajillion awesome people.

At my reading, I announced that I plan to have my novel draft done by Dec 6. I’m posting this so I stick to it. I have no formal commitment; just a promise to myself. I may have lost three months to the house-hunting (wow, I underestimated how intense that would be)… but I can still do this.

As soon as I log out. And write. Which I’m doing right now. See me doing it?

Uh, bye for now. 🙂

(What a goofy-looking post title.)

Something Wicked This Way Plumbs is live at Podcastle. Tentacles, candy corn, and the men’s bathroom. What else do you need for Halloween comedy?