My friend Sarah has a dog named Bruno. We sometimes walk with Bruno along the nearby trail to the dog park. Every time we get to the park, Bruno is thrilled to see all the other dogs, sniff their butts, romp in the grass, and so on. Seriously, he’s the picture of total delight.

I love Bruno, but I’m more of a cat person. So I think we need a kitty park. It’d be a wonderful place filled with carpeted towers, scratching posts, and catnip mice… that all the cats could be totally unimpressed with as they curl up for their naps. There’d be a complex system of snubbing each other, incomprehensible to humans. The more money we spend on building this park, the less the cats will care.

Or even better: a fishie park. Bring your aquarium friends and dump them in the pond. Later you can scoop out the survivors and take them home.